it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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