yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
