My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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