Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
