dude i'm inner monologue high
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
