i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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