..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
