I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
