those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
