mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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