no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
