I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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