any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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