i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
