The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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