3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
