You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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