I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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