Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
