can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
