I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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