no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
