I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
