Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
