I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
