i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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