Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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