You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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