Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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