but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
