My sheets look like a crime scene.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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