So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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