I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
