i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
