Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
