I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
