i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
