guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
