I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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