so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
