The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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