i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
