Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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