a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
