I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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