this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
