Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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