all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
