i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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