You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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