Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
