I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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