the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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