What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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