I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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