I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
