I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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