Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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