DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize