nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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